A preview.
For a Better Tomorrow (excerpt)
Years ago, James was in a good relationship, with a girl named Melody. He was happy most of time, happy for what felt like the first time since childhood. Melody was beautiful and she made him smile and laugh. But the thought was there, and James had kept it out.
She was the first person who had ever made James felt like he mattered and that he was special. But still the thought was there, James still pushed it out.
With her, James had started to think of the future, and had even started to plan for it. He had started to really draw again, something he hadn’t done since high school. It was something that had always brought James happiness, but it wasn’t something he could do for a living. James wasn’t good enough.
Then Melody said, “So practice and get better.”
It was so simple that James felt stupid for having never thought of it before. He had always enjoyed doodling, but it never even really crossed his mind that he could draw with the intention of learning to be better, of the learning the craft. Without telling her, James had even sent off some stuff to art schools, in the hopes of maybe getting in. James hadn’t even admitted to himself that he really wanted to go, that that was what he wanted. But the thought was there, and it was pushing the door down.
They moved in, and James could never find another portion of his life that he was happier. For the first time ever his life was going in the direction that he wanted it to go. But…
Then it happened…
He let the thought in.
The thought doesn’t matter anymore, it was just one negative thought among many and like that, their relationship was over.
They fought all the time, they couldn’t even be in the same room together. James didn’t know what was going wrong, it felt like they weren’t even having the same arguments. He would say something he felt was innocuous, like a joke about one of Melody’s friends having a crush on her, and then she’d be crying, telling James that he was a terrible person for it.
It wasn’t long before she moved out and then moved away. They still talked sometimes, and James dreaded each conversation, because deep down, he knew if she asked him to move there, to be with her, he would drop everything and go. Even worse, with each passing year he could feel the disappointment in her voice when she was moving forward in her life and he was standing still, still at the same place he was when he left college.
Left wasn’t the correct way to say it, asked never to return is putting it more aptly. Just one more thing James had fucked up by being lazy, by being himself.
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